Most of the time I handle this waiting game just fine. I've been on a 5.5 year journey to where I am now and the waiting has come to seem natural. But now that I am actually ticking the time down in my head for an estimated 6 months to referral, I find myself noticing it a lot lately. I'm down to 4 months now and then 2 months after that for my first trip to court.
I'm just so tired of walking past an empty room. Noticing the crib, the sweet dresses in the closet, the boxes of packed baby items. I'm starting to feel impatient, in an annoyed and irritated way. Not all the time, but sometimes. And a yearning when I find the strength to go into that room and look into that crib. Have you been born yet? Do you have enough to eat? Does your mother, father, siblings have enough to eat? Does anyone hold you and sing to you? The worry is creeping in my heart and already I hurt for you. I know God will cradle you in protection but I still worry.
Ahhh I remember the feelings well. At one point int got just too much and I had to pack up all the stuff in that room and shit the door. It just felt like it was taunting me everytime I walked by and got site of some of the kid stuff in there. It will happen, and I know its hard to wait. Try to keep yourself busy.
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