Ticket purchased - Ethiopia here I come!

One more step in the process completed and it feels so real now. It's good to know the ticket is purchased and I can focus on all the small details of travel now. Like what to pack and where to stay and what to do during long layovers.

Ethiopian wins Honolulu Marathon women's group

Sunday, 12/12/10, Belainesh Gebre won the Honolulu Marathon. She was the first African woman to win the Honolulu Marathon.  I was able to meet her and get her autographed picture for baby's book yesterday. A very gracious woman who will hopefully inspire my daughter someday that she can set goals and attain them.

Court Date Assigned

Finally a date in February 2011!  It is two months away, two months longer than originally thought, but nonetheless, a court date. Apparently there is a backlog of court appointments so everyone has to wait longer. Baby will then come home probably in April.

What is sad about these delays is it hurts our kids to have them stay in an orphanage longer. That's two more months of delay in getting medical care, physical therapy, learned orphanage survival behavior, malnutrition, not to mention one-on-one love that an orphanage cannot provide.

The positive is that I have a concrete date I can count down to.

Feeling Tortured

Maybe I am prone to overdramatizing, but this waiting is getting really tortuously old. It seriously makes me upset that my baby is still in an orphanage. I want to shower her with loving attention and make sure she is getting proper medical care. I pray for patience as I worry about her emotional and physical health. I know God is taking care of her and I'm sure the nannies are loving on her, but this is hard.
There is little control in international adoption while I wait on getting a court date, it's strictly up to the Ethiopian courts when they can assign a court date. Luckily baby has no idea that her living situation will change, so I take comfort that she doesn't feel the same stress as I. And so, the waiting goes on.......

New Count: 2.5 Weeks since I saw my daughters face

No more counting months since October 8th, 2010. I saw her face, read some documents, and fell in love. She is 6.5 months old and I hope to see her by December or January when I go to Ethiopia for my court date. She has the most lovely face and huge eyes. There's so much to think about but in all honesty, it all melts away when I look at her. The waiting and details are just irrelevant now.
So, as soon as I have a court date, a new waiting list begins.

Referral Coming Soon?

Okay, maybe this is just a bad joke because I am having a hard time believing it can be true.
I emailed my adoption agency today and asked them what are the current wait times? I got back this response: "Thank you for your e-mail. I do know they are working on a referral for you and I do hope to have it as soon as next week." And that was it, no other message.
What? Next week? I was expecting 2 - 3 more months!  I am so shocked my stomach is in a knot and I keep tearing up here at work. How can I concentrate after that news? I want to go home and finish organizing everything. I want to baby shop. I want to scream with excitement, but am too worried my bubble will burst with an email from my agency saying "sorry, we made a mistake". Wow! I really pray this is true, what a lovely gift from God.

6 months and counting

This weekend marked SIX months of waiting since my paperwork hit Ethiopia. Still half-patient, but I could use a pick-me-up. I know most people who received referrals over the summer waited 8 - 9 months. I'm hoping that was because of the change in the two-trip policy and because court was closed (it opens this week). Hopefully now that court is reopened, things will begin to move along and I will find out who my daughter is soon.
I don't have a whole lot to do to prepare besides get rid of all of the stuff stored in my closets. That's my current project, but after that, I am really going to be twiddling my thumbs.

Nursery Finds

Attempting to put together a nursery now. I hung the curtains and chandelier. Next I have a mural and some art pieces to hang. Fun project to pass the time since it looks like the waitlist is getting longer!

5 Months down!

I love it when I get to add another number to the wait month. That doesn't sound quite right, but it's true. It means that I have one less month to wait and am one month closer to being a Mama.
Thank goodness I am busy now with volunteer work and my new job. It helps the time to pass. Soon I will begin working on her lifebook and that will keep me busy too.

Was that my last childless hurrah?

This last weekend I went for a quick trip to L.A. and San Diego. I saw several of my dearest friends and their lovely children. I had a blast going out to eat, partaking in (some would say several) cocktails, and shopping.
It was really fun. But when I got home, I realized that was my last time (for quite a while anyway) to just be able to easily jump on a plane from Hawaii on my own. Was I the least bit nostalgic or sad? Heck no, I am thrilled that my next trip out of Hawaii will be to meet my sweet girl.
Now, talk to me in a year and I may feel nostalgic at my pre-exhaustive time, but for now, it's a great thought.

Adoption Transition Notes

Here is a VERY abridged version from an adoptive Mom's blog. It gives some insight into what it is like when you first come home with an adopted child and what is helpful to new adoptive parents:

Bringing home an adopted child is crazy stressful. There is just so much to deal with. Everyone has to learn everything about each other and it takes a long time and Job-like amounts of patience. If your friend had just given birth you'd all be stumbling all over yourselves to help. They are newborns when it comes to their new life here.
-Respect whatever boundaries she sets for the little ones. I know they are cute, I know that you've been waiting to hug and squeeze them, I know that you love them. But hold back when you're asked to even/especially if the kids are trying to get your attention. These kids have to relearn what it is to be in a family and have parents. They've been in an orphanage with different caregivers for a long time. They expect that each new adult they meet will be the one to take care of them. They have to learn that she is IT. They have the rest of their lives here, but they need these first months to learn to trust their parents. Don't push for them to leave the kids with a sitter, or take them to Sunday School, or go to Zany Fun Amusement Park with Overwhelming Sights and Crowds. Let her introduce their children to the world slowly as they see fit.
-Be a safe person to talk to. Adoption is tough tough stuff. If you've been following the journey you know that already. But, contrary to what it seems like, the hard work is not over. It's really just beginning. Maybe (we're all hoping) that they have a great transition and easy attachment, but even so emotionally this is a difficult road to walk. Be someone who they can talk to and say anything to without judgment, without telling them what to do, without anything more than a hug and a promise to pray for them.
-Don't Pressure Them. Let them set the rules for their family, let them emerge slowly back into their regular life, don't think that you know best for any of them. Don't hassle them if they forget your birthday or if they can't make it to a party that you invited them to. Don't ask them to join a committee or to be responsible for anything beyond their children. Don't force them to put a happy face on situations, or ask them questions about their children's history. Let them share what they want when they want to.
-Keep Praying. Really, they have a lot of things that they're worrying about and praying about as they live their life from here on out. Ask them what you can pray for, write it down, and pray.

4 Months down

It's been 4 months since my dossier paperwork arrived in Ethiopia. Time is ticking slowly by. At least I'm into the second half of the estimated 6 month wait.

What makes it easier is I have faith it will happen in the next few months and certainly by the end of 2010. Baby will be home in 2011 and I am waiting with an open heart and arms.

So, here's to number 4 and continuing the countdown!

Tomorrow marks 3 months since paperwork registered in Ethiopia

3, glorious THREE. Although I know I'm at least three months away from referral, it's nice to be halfway toward waiting for the estimated 6th month wait (unless the timeline increases).

I'm keeping busy trying to simplify and get rid of every unnecessary item I can think of - this is what you do when you are trying to pass the time folks. This weekend I will start gathering all that jewelry making stuff I bought and see if some other person on a crazy whim wants to buy it.

 I think I will also start gathering all my notes and website advice and organize spreadsheets (ie what to do before and when you travel, Ethiopian medical advice for my child, transition issues once home, etc etc). Anything to make these next few months pass!

Nothing to do but shop

I'm about 3 months away from referral, so counting down. I know I should be saving money, especially with a second travel trip now required. But, I can't seem to help myself.

Since I live in Hawaii, I am building my Aloha wear wardrobe. Just don't ask me to buy the matching outfit for myself. At least not yet....

Sometimes the wait just gets too much

Most of the time I handle this waiting game just fine. I've been on a 5.5 year journey to where I am now and the waiting has come to seem natural. But now that I am actually ticking the time down in my head for an estimated 6 months to referral, I find myself noticing it a lot lately. I'm down to 4 months now and then 2 months after that for my first trip to court.
I'm just so tired of walking past an empty room. Noticing the crib, the sweet dresses in the closet, the boxes of packed baby items. I'm starting to feel impatient, in an annoyed and irritated way. Not all the time, but sometimes. And a yearning when I find the strength to go into that room and look into that crib. Have you been born yet? Do you have enough to eat? Does your mother, father, siblings have enough to eat? Does anyone hold you and sing to you? The worry is creeping in my heart and already I hurt for you. I know God will cradle you in protection but I still worry.

Happy Mother's Day

I love my Mom and all Moms I know. I'm envious of them too. Every Mother's Day that has gone by while trying to become a mother I think next year I will celebrate with my child. After five long years, I know that next year I really will celebrate with my child. Knowing that helps the wait a little easier to bear.

Two months have passed since I sent my paperwork to Ethiopia. I hope that means I only have four more months to wait for referral. A parent in my online adoption group just got a referral after waiting only 4.5 months, so maybe it will be even sooner.

New Law: Ethiopian Travel

Ethiopia recently passed a new law effective in May 2010 that all adopting parents must now come to Ethiopia twice before the adoption is final. The reason, from what I understand, is to make sure parents are being referred a child that has been described to them, thus avoiding some corruption that has taken place (apparently some parents have been told a child is healthy and when they get there the child has severe health problems. Sometimes the parents then decide that it is something that is beyond their capabilities and leave the child in Ethiopia, which creates a legal problem for the child to be adopted in the future). Also, they want to ensure that the birth families haven’t been paid off by the adoptive families – that is the reason for having them all in court together. So that legally, they can be sure that the arrangements between the two sets of families and the agency have been made ethically.  There may be other reasons that I don't know of, I'm still researching that. So far what I have found out is through my agency board.

I now must travel twice to Ethiopia to complete my adoption. Once during the court date and about two months later to pick up my baby.
Pros: I get to see my baby twice, as well as Ethiopia twice.
Cons: I have to leave my baby after meeting her which will be torture for me, 30 hour flight time twice, twice the travel expenses, have to leave work for an extra week etc.

Beautiful quote borrowed from my neice Cheri.

I'm not sure of the origin, I'll do some research, but I do love this: "Before you were conceived I wanted you. Before you were born I loved you. Before you were an hour old I would die for you. This is the miracle of life."

Paperwork has arrived in Ethiopia!

Currently it's being translated and then will go to Toukoul Orphanage. Around five - seven months from now they will match me with my baby. It is such a relief to have completed this phase and have the weight off my shoulders. I don't know what it is that is so stressful about finishing the paperwork and getting it to Ethiopia, but every step of letting go of documents and worrying someone would lose something or that I had completed the paperwork incorrectly was always on my mind. I think unless you've gone through this process, it's hard to really understand the way it feels.

Now, I need to find something to fill my time. Anyone have suggestions for a six month project? :)

Next Step Complete! Dossier mailed today!

What a wonderful milestone. All those documents are on their way to my agency, Washington D.C., and then Ethiopia. Hopefully it will be translated and in Ethiopia by early April. Then I can start counting down to my referral, estimated to be five - seven months. One beautiful, lovely, painfully slow step at a time. March 6, 2010. A day immortalized for me.

More delays

Just part of the expected process, but still annoying. My homestudy expired so awaiting it to be updated. State of Hawaii is only giving them provisional two month licenses so every two months it expires and while I was waiting for all my other documents, it expired. Now awaiting update and hoping everything can get processed and sent to Ethiopia before it expires again.

The process is as follows:

Stage one: get Notarized              Stage two: get Certified

                                                    by First Circuit Court

Stage three: get Certified           Stage four: Mail to US and

   by Lt. Governor                   Ethiopian Embassy in D.C.

                                             (last I see of paperwork)

Stage five: Mail to Ethiopia

I got my I-171H today! Glorious day in paradise!

This is the last document I was waiting on for my dossier ("the paperwork"). I have used white out on the personal info but just thought you might like to see how such a simple document is the golden document of them all. It is the document required for the U.S. to allow you to bring an orphan to the U.S. In their words, "It has been determined that you are able to furnish proper care to an orphan as defined in Section 101 of the Immigration and Nationality Act". I was expecting at least another two week wait since it was only 9 days ago that I had my fingerprints, but I guess Hawaii doesn't have such a backlog of waiting international adoption petitions. Families I know of in other states are waiting 6 - 12 weeks for theirs.

Next step is give it to State of Hawaii to stamp and when they send it back to me I can send it to the US Embassy in D.C., the Ethiopian Embassy in D.C., then it's off to Ethiopia!

After I went to First Circuit court I found out two of the notaries processed the forms wrong and now have to wait until Feb. 8th to get one of them redone. Grrrr

Preparation

Part of making motherhood feel like it is really coming, whether pregnant or adopting, is preparing your nursery. Though I have a crib and bedding, I have recently begun a little clothes shopping. I must say that baby girl shopping is fun. Cute, tiny clothes with all the girly frill is too much to resist. Here's a taste.

My last required document: Immigration

Tomorrow is my USCIS immigration fingerprint appointment. It is the last thing I need to get done on my dossier paperwork. Hopefully they will send it to me within  2-4 weeks and then the paperwork will get sent off to Ethiopia. Saying my prayers that it gets processed quickly.
*Just finished my appointment which took all of five minutes. Now just have to wait for that form.........(5 minutes later: still waiting impatiently)..........

Somewhere near the finish line

Although I am just about 25% through the Ethiopian adoption process, it feels like I am near completing my journey to form a family. It has been so many years in the making and this adoption is coming together so clearly, I can't help but feel a natural sense of peace that this time a child will be in my arms in 2010.
Not to say that it has been without it's bumps and that new hurdles will not be in my future (for they surely will), but it certainly feels divinely destined this time.